I Proposed to My Girlfriend, Now She Wants to Be a Stay at Home Fiance, Am I Marrying a Gold Digger

A young couple, both working at the same company, discovered they had drastically different paychecks before getting engaged. After their engagement, the woman expressed a desire to quit her job, sparking a debate on social media, with some users labeling her a “gold-digger.” However, her fiancé believes this isn’t the case.

The 30-year-old man, a researcher at a tech company, reached out to the AITAH subreddit for advice on a situation that was weighing heavily on him. He explained that he and his fiancée, a 26-year-old marketing professional, met two and a half years ago at work. He was immediately smitten, and after a solid relationship, they became engaged. He admires her for her organization skills, especially since her job requires her to manage marketing events, something she excels at.

However, the couple’s work-life balance is quite different. While his desk job allows for predictable hours, she often works late hours, driving around for events. She expressed frustration at his easier schedule, and he, being neurodivergent (ADD), values her support with organizational tasks that help him manage life.

Things became complicated when they began discussing finances after she moved in. He was surprised to learn that he made 15 times more than her, which led him to offer to pay for all their living expenses while she focused on saving to pay off her student debt. They split costs according to their incomes, which worked well for her, as she valued her independence.

A month before he posted on Reddit, they got engaged. Though she never asked for expensive things, she requested a nearly $15,000 diamond engagement ring. He was uncomfortable with the price but agreed after she convinced him it was an investment she’d wear forever. Yet, she often mentioned the ring’s cost when showing it off to others, which made him uneasy.

The situation reached a breaking point when his fiancée told him she wanted to quit her job. She explained that she wanted to focus on planning their wedding, which she felt required full-time attention. When he questioned why she couldn’t continue working while planning, she said she was tired of the long hours and wanted to be a stay-at-home fiancée. He responded with surprise and concern, citing her student loan debt and her uncertain plans for after the wedding.

They had a heated argument, with her accusing him of being unreasonable. He argued that she should remain independent, especially since they weren’t planning to have children soon. Losing her income, he felt, would make them financially vulnerable, particularly given his fears of potential layoffs due to his high salary.

In response to feedback from Reddit, including some harsh criticism from users who thought his fiancée was a “gold-digger,” OP decided to sit down and have a more thoughtful conversation with her. During their discussion, she explained that she didn’t feel her work made a significant impact and that she felt burnt out. She wanted to step away from her job temporarily to focus on the wedding, feeling that it would give her peace of mind.

She also promised to seek another job with more predictable hours after the wedding and honeymoon. They agreed that she would resign that week and focus on finding something more manageable after the wedding.

Despite understanding the concerns raised by Reddit users, OP acknowledged that his fiancée was overwhelmed and needed a break. He worried about her long-term career plans but ultimately trusted her to make decisions that would support their future together. In the end, they decided on a compromise: she would resign, but they would both focus on making sure she had a fulfilling role in the future.

Though some Reddit users remained critical, calling for a prenup and questioning her intentions, OP expressed that he trusted his fiancée and was willing to support her choices, albeit with some reservations about the path she was taking. The situation remained unresolved, with OP unsure whether his fiancée would truly return to work after their wedding, but hopeful that their relationship would continue to grow with understanding and communication.